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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “really delusional”, he admits. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often followed by a “crash”, where he feels sensitive and ashamed about his actions, making him highly sensitive to negative feedback from external sources. He began to think he might have this personality condition after researching his symptoms on the internet – and was later evaluated by a clinician. However, he doubts he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had already reached that conclusion personally. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they experience a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

While people have been identified with narcissism for over 100 years, the meaning can be ambiguous what people refer to as the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people hide it, because of widespread prejudice around the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like seeking admiration,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Though three-quarters of people found to have narcissistic personality disorder are men, findings suggests this statistic does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the covert form, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, similar to everything in society,” explains a 23-year-old who discusses her dual diagnosis on social media. It is not uncommon, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she shares, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I often enter self-protection or I become unresponsive.” Even with this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “self-esteem damage”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples as a child. It’s been a process of understanding all this time which behaviors are and is not appropriate to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance in my formative years,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my family members were criticizing me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be connected with childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “rely on those identical strategies as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The adult shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “acceptable.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he admits. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He didn’t think loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, similar to his experience, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for talking therapy on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: It was indicated it is probably going to be maybe February or March next year.”

He has shared with a small circle about his mental health status, because “negative perceptions are widespread that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he explains. Each individual have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the growth of online advocates and the expansion of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number